We want revenge. Why?
On the one hand, perhaps, because we suffered. If even if the other is suffering, what does it bring us? Sadistic pleasure? A semblance of justice? Or would we be ready to lower ourselves to his or her level?
Or maybe we would like the other to regret, the other to realize what they have lost. What a beautiful revenge, after all: you rejected someone and now you regret? Serves you right!
This supposes that the other is capable of regrets (not sure) and also that the opinion of the other still matters to us.
Ouch. We thought we had healed but … no. The other still counts. We may have replaced sadness with anger, but have we really removed sadness?
Maybe we’re still confused. Maybe we would like the other to admit their wrongs.
Good luck. Never wrestle with a pig. What, in the behaviour of the other, makes you believe that the other is able to recognize their wrongs? When did this happen in the past?
Maybe the other one still counts because we haven’t mourned the persona yet. We still want to believe that the person we loved really existed, and was not a dark lie.
It’s quite simple:
Accept that the person we loved never existed. It was a tailor-made lie to seduce us.
Accept that their opinion, therefore, does not count: we are not negotiating with a pig who is simply trying to roll (us) In the mud.
We do again activities we liked. Toxic people LOVE taking away the taste of life, love making life bland and dull. Regaining a taste for life shows that they have failed. But we do it for US, not to prove something to them. In addition, we become more independent and have more fun – so they lose their grip.
We turn our anger into forgiveness: these people are incapable of acting otherwise. It’s shabby, it hurts – and it’s sad. All their relationships will be toxic and they will never be sincerely loved. At least our pain is sincere. They don’t know what it is.
We turn our anger and forgiveness into … gratitude. Yes, gratitude. Without them, we wouldn’t be who we are today. Was it horrible? Yes. And unfair? Yes. But it’s the past. And the past is the price we had to pay to be us today. And if anything had been different, we don’t know who we would be. Gratitude!
Imagine that the person is possessed by some kind of evil demon (that may be the case, by the way: it sometimes seems that these people are possessed). This demon seeks to do harm. Imagine how he would bug if, faced with his wickedness, we responded with gratitude and kindness.
It sounds like an exaggeration, but … toxic people have only the grasp we are willing to give them. Yes, they are lying. Yes, they manipulate. And maybe we want to be lied to. Maybe we’re ready to be manipulated. Maybe the truth scares us.
Maybe also that by pretending that we have no sadness, anger or fear in us, we are weaker. As we lie to ourselves, we do not see the lies of others.
Maybe accepting the Truth, welcoming it, giving up fear, maybe it’s one of the greatest gifts that these people can do us: they show us, in the extreme, the consequences of a life of fear.
It’s up to us to choose: hell on earth or Truth?
Maybe when we choose the truth, when we go back to our quest in this life, when we find the courage to face and overcome difficulties, maybe at that moment we forget them, we find our path.
And maybe living OUR life far from the pressures and expectations of people, maybe this is the most beautiful revenge: we transform a rotten and toxic situation into a rebirth because, like the phoenix, we find the courage to face the flames in order to be reborn. Maybe the phoenix is grateful for the flames.
Gratitude towards life.